Peer Review- 2

October 14, 2019

Overall, the ideas in this paper are solid. I can clearly see that you put work into this and that you really have an idea on where you want to take it. However, I think the flow and organization of this paper is a little rough. There’s one sentence at the end of the second paragraph that I don’t know how to read. Now, that may be misunderstanding what you’re saying, but it looks like you threw words on a paper and got caught in the middle of the sentence. In the third paragraph, you jump from your idea, to a quote, to questioning your audience, to a personal story. While doing all of those things are fine and dandy, the order in which you did them and how they’re in the beginning of one paragraph make it hard to follow exactly what you’re saying. If you choose to edit that piece, I would suggest spreading those thoughts throughout the paragraph or throughout two paragraphs.